I Could Have Been A Contender

Well, it's been another week of ups and downs here at the Chang house hold. On Monday it was back to the Oncologist for a check on the blood, kidneys, etc. After a very rough weekend it turned out I had lost 12 pounds in a week. Seriously I would have won BIGGEST LOSER! Before even drawing blood they had me hooked up to the IV pumping me with fluid. When the Doc came in to follow up he said he was putting me on a feeding tube as soon as possible. At the beginning this was discussed as a worst case scenario, however as the doctor appointments continued on Monday it turns out that it was more likely than not that I would be on feeding tube.

Tuesday morning it was back to the hospital. Dad Chang and I checked in at 8:15 and the procedure which we knew nothing about was supposed to be at 9:15. At noon I was still waiting to be taken to the OR. The lack of communication from department to department, physician to patient, physician to nurse is astounding. If any of us worked that way we would be fired. Finally after demanding answers I was taken back to the OR at 12:26.

I was out of the OR at 1:25 and up to my room shortly there after. This hospital stay was much more restful even though a little painful. Amazingly having a C-Section in May has helped prepare for the hole in my abdomen.

On Wednesday the nurse showed me how to feed myself. And as soon as she left promptly threw everything up...again. Luckily they still let me go home. Since then I've only thrown up once which is miraculous.

Amazingly when this all started I thought not eating would be the most difficult part. As an amateur foodie I couldn't imagine not being able to eat solid food. Really it's not too bad. Don't get me wrong I'm looking forward to the day when my throat isn't sore and my taste returns to normal but for now I'll just take keeping everything down.

A big shout out too New Jersey Mama and family! Thanks for the Sorbet and the cranberry juice tip. Seems that by adding just a couple splashes of cranberry juice to water it tastes like water again.

Today I was supposed to have a CT Scan to determine how many Radiation treatments were left. Sadly the machine was down. So tomorrow morning at 11:00 we'll try again. If my calculations were correct it should be 19 let's hope it's fewer!

Keep your fingers crossed!

Rough Week

As I'm sure you've realized from my silence this week it has been a very tough week to put it lightly. On Monday I had the second (of three) chemo treatments. I felt pretty good that night but by Tuesday morning the nausea was back with a vengeance. By 8:00 Tuesday night I hadn't kept down any food or liquid and it was off to the hospital (more about my eye opening experience there later). Thankfully Dad Chang was with me as it was a bit of a fight to get me into a room and hooked to an IV even though my doctor had admitted me ahead of time.

I was there just over 24 hours. It's Saturday and I'm still struggling to keep anything down. Though today I feel a little less foggy and the nausea is subsiding some I'm looking forward to keeping down what I'm eating.

While I was in the hospital Baby Chang figured out crawling and how to pull herself up. Sadly I don't get to spend much time with her but she makes me smile and remember why I'm going through this. In fact when I asked Mom Chang if I could quit she told me sure but she was leaving and taking Baby Chang with her. I guess for now I'll stick with the poison.

The other positive of this week is that I should be half done with radiation. Unless something unexpected shows up on the scans on Thursday there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks to everyone who has posted or e-mailed soup recipes! If anyone has a tip on how to make water not taste like salt I'm all ears! Right now the stuff makes me gag.

Day 14 - TGIF

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! That's really about all I have for today. The weekend is much needed. Especially as I head into the second chemo treatment on Monday.

Eating is starting to get difficult. So I'm going to ask all of you to send me your favorite soup recipes. Cold or hot soups are welcome.

In other exciting news Baby Chang is quickly learning how to pull herself up to a standing position. She is slowly figuring out how to crawl but usually finds it faster to get to her destination using the army crawl method. Lately she's also been stretching her lungs and vocal chords as yelling seems to be her new favorite form of communication.

Happy Weekend to all!

Day 11 - 13

I miss the pool and margaritas! There aren't many things that you can't do or have while in radiation and chemo treatment. However, there are a few things like not eating raw meat (no sushi), no ordering salads or eating at a salad bar, no swimming, no alcohol and no breastfeeding.

Baby Chang and I have both gotten over the breastfeeding thing. Though there are days I miss the connection I don't miss the ugly, ill fitting bras.

I sometimes have trouble remembering to pass on the salad when I go out to eat but it means I eat more salad at home. On the surface you'd think that isn't conducive to the weight gaining orders but trust me add enough cheese and salad dressing and that's no problem.

The sushi thing is not too big a deal as I figured out how to eat it during pregnancy by eating only the things that are cooked.

But margaritas man I miss margaritas. From the time I found out I was pregnant until now 16 months later I've had 1 and a 1/2 drinks. A cosmo and half a beer. All I'd really like is a HUGE margarita with salt. Sadly alcohol is a no no still. It has something to do with protecting my kidneys.

Finally, the thing I want to do more than anything is hit the swimming pool. While pregnant and nauseous the one thing that made me feel better was doing a few laps in the pool. The radiation is going to do a number on my skin so I can't do anything that might cause it to dry out (i.e. chlorine or salt water). With everything else it seems like the one thing that might make me feel better is hitting the pool.

So I've decided the real sign that I'm over this will be the day I'm sitting poolside with a margarita. Anyone want to join me?

Day 10

Mondays are always a bit stressful as I start a new week of radiation. The morning starts with a blood test at my Oncologist's office. There they check the red and white blood cell counts as well as the hemoglobin level. Today all were lower than they had been but not low enough for them to worry. I of course worry what will happen next week when they poison me with some more chemo (can you tell I can't wait for next Monday...).

Also on Monday I actually talk to the Radiation Oncologist. I get about five minutes to ask if the terrible things coming out of my nose are normal (yes it's the dead cancer cells YEAH), if in the mornings I should look like the elephant man (it doesn't happen to everyone but facial swelling isn't out of the ordinary), and what can they give me for the cough that's keeping both Baby Chang and I awake at night (yet another trip to CVS is in my future). Inevitably I always forget something. Luckily Dad Chang is usually with me and has my back.

I was surprised today at how tired I was though. I ended up going into work about four hours later than planned so I could get a little more sleep. They told me the low energy would come I was just hoping it would be closer to week 6 than week 3.

I got another surprise in the mail today when there were five notices from the hospital where I had my surgery. Luckily they weren't all bills. Included however was a statement that itemized the actual cost of my surgery. THANK GOD FOR HEALTH INSURANCE. Ponder for a moment if you will what you think an outpatient sinus surgery might cost. If you guessed $40,000.00 you are a winner. Yes that is forty thousand dollars. Now of course the insurance company has some insane deal where it appears they will pay about $2,800 of that. WHAT? You say the insurance company pays less than 10% but if you didn't have insurance you would be responsible for the entire $40,000.00. I invite those who think health care reform unnecessary to pay my medical bills for the last year and for the upcoming year. I definitely would be declaring bankruptcy if it weren't for my health insurance.

On a lighter note at work tonight we got to shoot five guns loaded with pyro, hang a dummy, shoot a tenor and watch a soprano stab herself. How was your work day?

Day 9 - Ring My Bell

In the waiting room at the Radiation Oncology department there is a bell by the desk. On the day you finish treatment you are supposed to ring the bell three times to celebrate the end of the journey. Friday I was sitting in the waiting room and there were three people waiting for a relative.

When she walked out she got to ring the bell. They all cheered and lots of photos were taken. Until that moment I had no idea what an occasion it would be. Right now I celebrate every Friday that I have two days off and that it's the end of another week.

I think I might have to bring a bottle of champagne on the final day of treatment I'm not sure ringing a bell will be enough.

Tomorrow begins week three and I start the day with a blood test. Keep your fingers crossed that my white blood cell count has stayed high, as has the hemoglobin. Hopefully I'll also find out tomorrow how many weeks I have left. After 28 days they boost the radiation but they were unclear for how long. Here's hoping for four more weeks instead of six!

Well, I'm off to bed the morning comes way to early these days. Although there's nothing like starting the morning with a smile and hug from Baby Chang!

Days 5 - 8

On Monday I was feeling VERY good the three days off really were at the perfect time. By Tuesday night though the radiation was starting to have it's ill-fated effect. The sore throat started but I fought back with a Frosty from Wendy's! That would be a chocolate Frosty. I'm a traditionalist when it comes to Wendy's, in fact I won't even try the vanilla I think it's sacrilege or at least it needs a different name.

On Wednesday I hit the proverbial wall. I don't know if it was the treatments or having a 7 and a 1/2 month old whose decided against sleeping in her own bed. It could also be the coughing that's keeping me up at night. This apparently is normal as the cancer cells are dying and draining into my throat. I know right now you're thinking I'm really glad I'm reading this EWWWWW. Just be glad I don't describe what came out of my nose this morning!

As I'm nearing the end of week two I'll be happy for the weekend. So far things are progressing exactly as they described and I'm still doing my best to follow Doctors orders and gain a bit of weight. In fact I think I'll break out the Oreos...

New Year's Reprieve

I was granted a reprieve from Radiation on Friday in honor of the New Year. The three day weekend was a welcome respite from the abuse of treatment. In fact by Saturday afternoon I really was beginning to feel human again. I hesitate to say normal because as the Prairie Dad pointed out I don't know the last time I felt normal. But let's not dwell on the morose it's a New Year after all.

On New Year's Day I joined Prairie Dad at his childhood home for their traditional New Year's Day fare. We enjoyed Black Eyed Peas, Cornbread, Cabbage and Chit'lins. Yes the white girl ate Chit'lins. I have to say they tasted like chicken. Well, chicken skin, boiled. If you are uncertain what Chit'lins are I'm going to refer you to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chitlins.

The traditional New Year's fare from my childhood was enjoyed earlier in the day. It included meatballs, veggies and dip, cheese and crackers and little smokies. Rather dull in comparison...

The weekend feasting continued with some help from the Lifetime Vegetarian (I will come up with a better nickname but it's 5:00 a.m. cut me some slack). He provided us with his amazing enchiladas and applesauce cake. LV has decided to help me obey Doctor's Orders as long as possible. I say bring it on!!!! Especially if it's as good as the applesauce cake.

Part of the reason I'm writing at 5:00 in the morning is that Prairie Dad had to hit the road again. He's on his way to the next garden stop of the "Little House on the Prairie" tour, Fayetteville, AR. As always it was hard to see him go. Though I know this job is the best thing for our family it's not easy to believe that when one of us is saying good-bye. Before my cancer diagnosis Baby Chang and I were planning to spend most of February with him in Toronto, followed by a couple weeks in Florida. We are now in a wait and see. Hopefully we will still make Florida.

Finally, to catch you up on the treatment progress I have good news. The tumors (yes there are/were multiple) in my neck have shrunk already! So with the coming of the New Year my one resolution is well on it's way. Here is to a HEALTHY 2010! May all of your resolutions be easier to achieve but equally as successful.

Day Four - New Year's Eve

Tonight was a bitter sweet New Year's Eve. On one had I couldn't wait for 2009 to move on but on the other I had a lot to be thankful for. 2009 brought the birth of our beautiful daughter. It's hard to wish away a year that brought such a blessing. There is nothing like the joy I feel coming home from work to see her.

Speaking of work I was back at it today. It was amazing to be back in rehearsal and feel normal for a few hours. Now if I had only remembered the nausea medication I might have made it a couple more hours. You'd have thought after throwing up for the majority of the season last year I wouldn't forget the nausea medication. Lesson learned...again.

Now I'm hoping the insomnia that's been hitting at 4:00 a.m. will pass soon. Although it's a good time to catch up on terrible tv.

Day Three

Did anyone get the license plate on that truck that just ran me over? I think it started with a c-h and ended with and e-m-o!