Using the Good Soap

Recently a number of people have asked me if I changed the way I lived my life as a result of having cancer. I think the question that was ultimately being asked was have I started to check things off on the bucket list and did I have the need to start living differently in case I died. A little crass but those are my words not theirs.

Strangely or optimistically the answer is no. In fact I have no bucket list. For the most part I have always lived my life exactly how I wanted. Proudly I have done a lot of things and continue to make my own choices. At this time I only have one regret and that was drinking too much the night before my college graduation ceremony. Instead of being able to enjoy the moment I was trying not to throw up on stage...

Perhaps more odd was that I never believed I was going to die from this diagnosis. Even when I was first diagnosed I believed I would beat it. I knew my life would change in ways I couldn't imaging but I was sure I would still be alive to figure out what those changes were, for many years to come. In fact, it was a little like the time I was on tour, we were flying into Dallas and as we were about to land the pilot told us that they weren't sure if the brakes were working (he followed that with "sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight"). As members of my cast started to panic I calmly looked at them and said everything is going to be okay. Astonished one of the performers cried "how can you be so sure?". Resolutely I replied "It is not my time to go and I'm definitely not going with all of you." A sentiment I thought many times over before the all clear was given.

I'm not trying to be glib just honest. The changes in my life over the last year have not been a result of having cancer. They have been the result of having a daughter. The choices I make now directly effect a person that I am completely responsible for. I'm responsible for her being on this earth and for the contributions she will make to it over her lifetime.

So, we eat more organic foods. We play outside or go swimming even when I'd rather sit on the couch and watch the View. Our lives revolve around meal times and bed times. We sing songs like "Nakey Girl" (composed by yours truly) before bath time. We live in Minneapolis and Houston. We buy diapers instead of high heels. The list goes on and on.

There is, I guess, one change I've made that has nothing to do with Baby Chang and the catalyst was cancer. I now use the good soap. You know the kind you are given as a gift. Often it is handmade and has luscious ingredients like rose, lavender or oatmeal. You get taken away by the scent and your skin feels incredible after you've used it.

So there it is. Forget your bucket list and start using the good soap.