Using the Good Soap

Recently a number of people have asked me if I changed the way I lived my life as a result of having cancer. I think the question that was ultimately being asked was have I started to check things off on the bucket list and did I have the need to start living differently in case I died. A little crass but those are my words not theirs.

Strangely or optimistically the answer is no. In fact I have no bucket list. For the most part I have always lived my life exactly how I wanted. Proudly I have done a lot of things and continue to make my own choices. At this time I only have one regret and that was drinking too much the night before my college graduation ceremony. Instead of being able to enjoy the moment I was trying not to throw up on stage...

Perhaps more odd was that I never believed I was going to die from this diagnosis. Even when I was first diagnosed I believed I would beat it. I knew my life would change in ways I couldn't imaging but I was sure I would still be alive to figure out what those changes were, for many years to come. In fact, it was a little like the time I was on tour, we were flying into Dallas and as we were about to land the pilot told us that they weren't sure if the brakes were working (he followed that with "sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight"). As members of my cast started to panic I calmly looked at them and said everything is going to be okay. Astonished one of the performers cried "how can you be so sure?". Resolutely I replied "It is not my time to go and I'm definitely not going with all of you." A sentiment I thought many times over before the all clear was given.

I'm not trying to be glib just honest. The changes in my life over the last year have not been a result of having cancer. They have been the result of having a daughter. The choices I make now directly effect a person that I am completely responsible for. I'm responsible for her being on this earth and for the contributions she will make to it over her lifetime.

So, we eat more organic foods. We play outside or go swimming even when I'd rather sit on the couch and watch the View. Our lives revolve around meal times and bed times. We sing songs like "Nakey Girl" (composed by yours truly) before bath time. We live in Minneapolis and Houston. We buy diapers instead of high heels. The list goes on and on.

There is, I guess, one change I've made that has nothing to do with Baby Chang and the catalyst was cancer. I now use the good soap. You know the kind you are given as a gift. Often it is handmade and has luscious ingredients like rose, lavender or oatmeal. You get taken away by the scent and your skin feels incredible after you've used it.

So there it is. Forget your bucket list and start using the good soap.

Bye, Bye

Today was a milestone for Baby Chang and Prairie Dad. As I walked out the door (twice) to leave them to their own devices Baby Chang smiled, waved and said "Bye, Bye". Closing the door I listened for the inevitable drama queen tantrum and there was nothing. No screaming, no knocks from the other side of the door, nothing.

For me this was epic. Not in the "oh she isn't crying for me, isn't she sad I'm gone" sort of way but in the "yeah, she and Prairie Dad are getting the hang of it!" I knew they would get there I was just praying it would be before I started work in the fall. Unfortunately though Prairie Dad heads back to our home up north on Friday for three weeks. Hopefully, it won't undo the flow they have going.

I'm working on another Bye, Bye of sorts this week as well. After four years, a new job, a terrible pregnancy, a beautiful baby and cancer I've moved out of the place I called home. I have lived in the garage apartment longer than I lived anywhere (and longer than I expected to be there) other than my parents home. I have definitely had more "life" experiences there than anywhere other than my childhood home. Though other than all the cleaning supplies my belongings are gone I've taken my time cleaning to slowly say goodbye. I don't think I'll be smiling and saying "Bye, Bye" as easily as Baby Chang.

Tonight was a step in the right direction as my favorite Brits and I started repainting the apartment. Now there is a blue accent wall in both rooms, which makes it feel a little less like home. Tomorrow night we'll finish repainting and Friday I'll do the final wipe down and clean the floors. When that is done I will return the keys and hope the next inhabitants get as much joy from the apartment as I have had.

I Must Be Crazy

I started jogging today. Yep with heat advisories and all, I decided it was a good day to go for a jog. So I strapped Baby Chang into the jogging stroller, walked to the gas station to pump up the flat tires and gave myself a goal. Ten minutes, that's it 10 minutes.

After four minutes I thought I would die.

I let myself walk through an intersection and off I went again. Then I gave myself a few distance goals. First two blocks. Then to the next stop sign. Then to Weslayan, the busy street ahead. Once I got to Weslayan I looked at the time and I had gone 12 minutes! THANK GOD I COULD STOP!

Why would I start such an endeavor today of all hot days? Well, there are a few reasons...

1. Baby Chang was up every two hours last night and Prairie Dad didn't get much sleep (neither did I but he's not as used to it). So I thought if we left he'd be able to sleep a bit longer. Very kind of me don't you think.

2. I've been itching to use the jogging stroller. I know that's crazy too but it's like a new toy that's been in the box for a year.

3. I'm hoping working out will give me back some energy and speed along some of my recovery. It's still a slow frustrating process so I'm starting to try new things.

4. Jogging is a workout I can do with Baby Chang.

5. The Future Tri-Athlete and I have talked about doing a triathalon in a year. It will take me at least that long to get into shape...

Okay men you may want to stop reading now. The most exciting thing about the jog, my thighs did not rub together! Which means my shorts didn't ride up and there was no fear of chafing. I didn't actually believe that people's thighs didn't rub together when they walked/jogged unless they were so skinny they would fall over when you blew on them. It's the little things that make a girl smile and do a happy dance.

Now back to unpacking boxes...

Moving Day

Today was our Houston moving day. I must say overall things went very well even though at 9:30 last night we didn't know if we would be moving at all. See nothing is easy in 2010. My motto for the year "It is what it is". Some days are easier to be zen about everything than others.

Anyway, on Saturday we came to the new place to do a walk through with our Realtor and the Landlord's Realtor. In the lease we had specified for the condo to be cleaned and some repainting/touch-up painting on one of the doors. Well, much to our chagrin none of it had happened. Well every door but the one that needed the paint had been painted, kind of. When our Realtor pointed it out to the LL's realtor things got out of control. There was an all out cat fight. While the LL's realtor was on the phone with the LL.

The LL's realtor threatened that we weren't starting out on the right foot and maybe we should just walk away and they would give us our money back. WHAT??? Walk away we have movers coming and a truck rented are you kidding! At this point I demanded a contact number for our landlord, which she reluctantly gave. We then gave her a list of things we would like looked at before we moved in, which she was going to give to her client.

After we left I called our Landlord who was very lovely. She wouldn't guarantee everything on our list would get completed but she would do the best she could. She promised she would call me on Sunday between 5:00 and 7:00 to let us know where things were at.

At 7:00 I called her.

At that time my one deal breaker is that there are no screens on the windows in the Master Bedroom. For the safety of Baby Chang, who is smart enough to open windows, I couldn't fathom moving into the place without screens. She had to talk to her fiance about whether or not they would replace them and she promised to call later that evening.

There was no phone call.

It was too late then to cancel the truck and the movers, so we moved. I spoke with her fiance and they are pricing the screens. Sadly it looks like we may be replacing at least some of them ourselves.

Anyway the movers arrived on time. They were amazing. It was over 100 degrees here today and they worked their tails off. The total move out of one apartment into the other took 4 and 1/2 hours. Three guys plus a little help from Prairie Dad and I. Not bad. The one negative, I broke Baby Chang's bed while taking it apart for the move.

Now if only the unpacking fairies would arrive to show us where to put everything.

Baby Chang spent the day with our favorite British family. She loves hanging out there especially with the Quiet Poet. It will be tough not having them a staircase away. However, we plan to have many pool dates both at the Y and our pool! Yep the new place has a pool and a fireplace and a jetted tub and two covered parking spots and two bathrooms and two bedrooms and a HUGE KITCHEN!

This move hasn't taken nearly the toll on me physically as the Minneapolis move did. The dizziness was kept at bay most of the day. I'm tired tonight but nothing that I wouldn't be feeling if I was 100% and did what we did today. Definitely a move in the right direction.