It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

I think that title sums up the last year in the best possible way. Today I turn 35 and looking back it has been one hell of a year. However, I'm not sure I would change anything, except maybe a little less vomiting...

I'm positive you are thinking to yourself "Yeah right you wouldn't change anything?!" I've been thinking about it a lot today and really I wouldn't change it.

This year brought the most amazing experience of my life and that is the birth of my daughter. Everyday I get to explore the world through her eyes. She makes me smile, laugh and cry all at the same time. Today she is on the verge of walking and sleeping through the night. She exclaims "Hi" and her smile lights up the room when I walk in, even if I went no further than the bathroom. Her fierce independence is astounding and frightening all at the same time. I like to believe her love for all things musical (especially commercial jingles) is a result of listening to opera for nine months. It has been a change I never could have imagined and I look forward to all that are still to come.

This blog exists because this year brought about the worst experience of my life as well. The day I was diagnosed with cancer will be one I will never forget. Though the treatment and recovery have been miserable they too brought about a change in my life I could never have imagined. I am closer today to my parents as a result of the last three months. I always new they were pretty amazing but I don't think I ever acknowledged it as I should have. Imagine giving up your life, leaving your home and for three months taking care of someone else and their child. Could you be that selfless even if it is your child?

Since December 3, they have only asked one thing "What do you need?". My Mom hasn't slept through the night since the beginning of January as she has taken the night shift with Baby Chang. My Dad has made numerous trips to pharmacies, doctors and hospitals, cleaned up after many vomiting episodes, and tracked and researched my medication. Still neither one has asked that they be put first.

In addition to how amazing my parents have been there are many others who have been just as incredible. Relatives who call and text and relive their own cancer experiences to make sure I'm okay. Friends who bring by dinner so no one has to cook. Loved ones who send cards and letters that just say "I'm thinking of you." All people who I knew would be there but now it's different somehow in a way I can't really explain.

My recovery is going well. As of today it has been six days since I have thrown up. I am eating more and more everyday and water finally tastes like water again. I am walking 15 minutes each day (when it isn't snowing) and hope to be up to 30 by the time I return to Houston.

Do I wish I hadn't had cancer? YES. Would I change it? Not if it meant giving up what I now have, a knowledge and insight that is worth more than all the money in the world.

Who knows what the next year will bring, hopefully a little more wisdom and a lot less throwing up.